ABS-CBN’s event for their sponsors and advertisers–showcase of the TV programs these people (the sponsors) are supporting with lots of money (that could probably send Marianet Amper to school ’til college and all other kids in the country).

Nuff with the sarcasm (oooh…)

Many celebrities and newbies–Kris Aquino, Susan Roces, ASAP peeps, Princess Sarah Cast, Kung Fu Twins Cast, Palos, Maging Sino Ka Man 2, Angel Locsin and Piolo.

Sa lahat ng mga artistang ito…immune ako sa pagiging starstruck…actually, ang buong team namin nina Reza and Digo. PERO isa lang ang artistang binalik-balikan ko ng tingin…at kahit ako ay ayaw maniwala, dahil wala naman siyang dating sa akin sa TV and movies.

Oo na, na-starstruck ako kay John Lloyd Cruz.

Yun na yun.

Haha! Really funny!

Joseph and I just went inside The Loop area at ABS-CBN, with the sole purpose of grabbing a snack for our churning tummies! So we were inside, then we realized that the food were all for free! Great treat!

One of the vendors told us that the next day would be the regular selling day, that what they were having that day was a promotional event…BY INVITATION!

Wahahaha!!! WHAT INVITATION? Joseph and I didn’t have any? Hahaha!

Eat all you can for free! Cheers!

Datapwat higit na mainam kung pansamantala’y itago ko muna sa likod ng mga ngiti ang mga lumbay at pighating pilti na tumatakas sa ubod nitong loob.

Marahil, naikubli ko nga yaring pait ng damdamin subalit ang mga mata’y walang tunay na ningning at yaring puso’y nakaganyak pa rin ng huwad na kalutasan at umaapaw pa rin sa kalungkutan.

Ay! Bakit yaring sarili ay hindi binabagkas ang landas ng ligaya bagamat may puwang naman upang ito’y makamtan.

Tugon ko naman:

Marahil ito’y sa kadahilanang, ang mga tulad natin ay sadyang sumusuong sa hirap at pighati sapagkat doo’y naniniwalang matatagpuan ang purong ligaya–ligayang yakap ng pighati.

Di ba’t tulad ko, ikaw ri’y naniniwalang wala ng tatamis pa sa ligayang dulot ng sakit at hirap?

Tugon ni Aaron:

Ibig kong sumang-ayon sa iyong isinalaysay kaibigan. Labis lamang ang pag-apaw nitong pusong nabugbog sa sakit at pighati.Tunay at di mababali ang katotohanang nasubok na sa libong taon, ang pusong naligo sa dugo, luha at dalisay na tubig ang siyang umaahong taglay ang walang katumbas na biyayang tagumpay at lakas mula sa Maykapal.

Siya ulit:

Kaya naman, salamat, kaibigan.

Actually, kahapon pa yung pain. Lumipas na. Haha…Trip ko lang magpakamakata ngayon. Haha.

Ako na ulit:

Haha! I really love it when we text that way. I really do! Anyway, continue ko ulit yung painting ko. Nagpe-paint kasi ako ngayon eh. I’m painting my hurt and sadness.

Si Aaron:

Wow! Ako rin dapat magpepaint this week. Oil painting na kaso kinapos sa budget! Haha. Sayang. Kumpleto na brushes ko. Mahal kasi ng oil. Haha.

—

Nag-iisip, uma-                                     Iniisip mo kaya ako,

asa.                                                      umaasang ako’y Makita?

Heto ako.                                             Nasaan ka?

Nakapikit, suma-                                  Nakapikit din ba,

samo.                                                   sumasamong ako’y makapiling?

Heto ako.                                             Nasaan ka?

Nakatingala, nanga-                              Nakatingala rin ba,

ngarap.                                                 nangangarap ako’y kayakap?

Heto ako.                                             Nasaan ka?

Bumibiling, buma-                                 Bumibiling din ba’t

bangon.                                                hindi makatulog?

Heto ako.                                             Nasaan ka?

Naglalakad, huma-                               Naglalakad din ba,

hakbang.                                              humahakbang patungo sa akin?

Heto ako.                                             Nasaan ka?

Nakatulala, nati-                                   Kumakaway kaya

gilan.                                                    Sa aking sulok ng mundo?

Heto ako.                                             Nasaan ka?

Nakatitig, nagma-                                 Nakikita mo kaya ako

mahal.                                                  Mahal?

Nasaan ka?                                          Heto ako.

(Para sa lalaking itinakda ng Diyos para sa akin. Heto ako. Naghihintay.)

Close your eyes so you don’t fear them
They don’t need to see you cry
I can’t promise I will heal you
But if you want to I will try

I’ll sing this somber serenade
The past is done
We’ve been betrayed
It’s true
Someone said the truth will out
I believe without a doubt, in you

You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity…
For eternity

Yesterday when you were walking
We talked about your mum and dad
What they did that made you happy
What they did that made you sad
We sat and watched the sun go down
Picked a star before we lost the moon
Youth is wasted on the young
Before you know it’s come and gone to soon

You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity…
For eternity

For eternity
I’ll sing this somber serenade
The past is done
We’ve been betrayed
It’s true
Youth is wasted on the young
Before you know it’s come and gone to soon

You were there for summer dreaming
And you are a friend indeed
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity

You were there for summer dreaming
And you are a friend indeed
And I know you’ll find your freedom
Eventually
For eternity
For eternity
—–

Nagtitiis ako sa isang tape ng classical music na nahalungkay ko sa baul ni Papito ko e may 4-CD collection pala siya ng Classical Music. Ahhh…I LOVE!

Bokz: Kumusta? Ano ginagawa mo?             

Napaisip ako kung naka-template na ba sa utak ng bawat tao ang tanong na ‘to pag may makakasalubong na kakilala na matagal-tagal na ring hindi nakita o nakausap. At tulad ng reaksyon ng isang taong tinatanong, sasagot ako. Pero  hindi ko muna gagamitin ang naka-template na sa utak kong “Okey lang. ‘Kaw?” Sa halip, ang isinagot ko ay:                                   

Ako: Eto, nagbi-business, nagsusulat ng mga kuwento (may mga kuwento nga ba?),
tula , nagpe-paint, at minsan nag-iindulge sa pagiging pabigat sa magulang. (At sasamahan ko ng walang latoy na tawa) Haha.             

Magkaibigan nga kami dahil ang sagot niya ay sa tingin kong pinakamagandang sagot sa buong mundo:                                     

Bokz: Aba magaleng! Yan ang tamang gawain! Ako nga e absent na naman! Haha. (Naglagay din siya ng walang ka-latoy latoy na tawa) At least nagamit ang mga leaves. Haha. (Yun ulit o!) O kelan reunion?             

Naku patay! Kelan daw ang reunion o! Ni wala pa nga akong nakokontak sa mga repapips namin e! Nadale ako sa tanong nitong mokong na ‘to ah. Teka…isip ng dahilan. Isip! Isip! Sabi ko:                                     

Ako: Hmp! Ang hirap naman kontakin ng iba (Ows? Talaga?) Alam mo ba ang number ni Jaemin? (Hay…Maaasahan talaga ang “pagtatanong” bilang pag-iiba ng usapan o pagkukunwari na interesado sa magaganap.)             

Tunog ng cellphone ko. Si Bokz ulit:                                     

Bokz: Meron ata e. Sandali send ko sa ‘yo pero di ko sure kung active pa eh.             

Tunog ulit cellphone ko:                                    

 Bokz: BEGIN: VCARD VERSION: 2.1 N:; Jaemin-Smart TEL; CELL: 0919240**** END: VCARD. Tinanong ko siya:                                     

Ako: Bakit ka absent?             

Ang panget naman kung sa BEGIN: VCARD at END: VCARD mapuputol ang komunikasyon naming. Ang panget talaga.                                     

Bokz: Em sick. (May kaartehan sa utterance itong friend ko na ‘to!) Mukang magkaka-flu or katams (katamaran) Haha asteeg noh! (Ang TM na tawa ulit at ang “noh” ko na nakuha na rin niya.)             

Ano ang isasagot ko? Mang-aasar ba o seryoso? Baka kasi may sakit na nga ang tao, loloko-lokohin ko pa. Sige na nga! Nagsimulang pumindot-pindot sa keypad:                                    

 Ako: Bka katams lng! Laki mong tao sakitin! Higante nga e. Wahahaha! (Ang pang-asar na tawa pero at least may buhay ang isang ‘to)             

At tulad ng inaasahan kong reply niya:                                     

Bokz: Argh! Seryoso un noh! Taghrap nga ako huminga eh. Malamang taba k lng cgro un noh!? Haha. (Ayun o!) Kw nmn bt anjan k? Wla kbng ggwn n mahalaga?             

Halos lahat ng taong nagtatrabaho ay tingin nila sa kanilang ginagawa ay mahalaga—mas mahalaga sa relasyon sa kapwa, pamilya, kaibigan, kapuso, at kung ano pang relasyon meron ang tao. Pero sige, sasagot ulit ako:                                     

Ako: Mahalaga? Ano ba ang mahahalagang bagay para sa ‘yo? Bka magkaiba tayo ng tingin kung ano mhlga. Mhlga nman ang gnagawa ko…Nakikipagdate at bonding kay Time.             Para sa akin ay mahalaga talaga ang minsan tumunganga at kilalanin ng mabuti si Time o si Oras. Yung iba kasi, oo nga’t mahalaga para sa kanila si Time pero ginagamit lang naman nila siya. Hindi nila naiisip na huminto, umupo (o tumayo kahit parang tuod) at makipag-bonding kay Time. Pakiramdam ko, magtatampo sa akin si Time pag napansin niyang ginagamit ko lang siya. Akusahan niya pa akong “user-friendly”.             

Kanina pa tumunog ang cellphone ko kaya lang abala pa ako sa paglalahad ng istorya ni Time kaya dito pa lang papasok ang reply ni Bokz:                                     

Bokz: Amfs! (Hindi ko alam ‘to tulad ng katangahan ko nung i-text ko kay Leo
Valencia kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng PM sa internet lingo: Personal Message.) Ganun? Mukhang close na close n kyo noh!? Hahaha. (Uy, kakaiba!)                                    

 Ako: Op kors. At nag-eenjoy ako ksma sya. Hahaha. (Nakigaya sa kakaibang tawa kumpara sa “Haha”)             

Minsan kailangan iparamdam ko kay Time na enjoy akong kasama siya para sa susunod na mawalan ako ng time kay Time, hindi niya ako masyado mami-miss at akusahan ng “user”. Maganda ng isipin ‘yon.             

Nagutom ako kaya kumain muna ako ng meryenda—Pansit Malabon. Inaasahan ko bago ako bumaba na may “1 message received” na nakalagay sa screen ng cellphone ko, pero may parte din ng pagkatao ko na iniisip na wag na lang sana. Mape-pressure lang ako na bilisan ang pagkain ko para mareply-an agad si Bokz para hindi siya mainip. Unfair naman sa kinakain ko at sa mga nagpakahirap maghanda at magluto di ba? Pinaghirapan nila tapos hindi ko nanamnamin, hindi ko lubusang maaapreciate?             

Pag-akyat ko nga ay nangangatal akong tignan ang cellphone ko. Walang “1 message received”. Masisiyahan ba ako o manghihinayan ng kaunti? Pati pala ‘yon ineeksenahan pa ng “mixed emotion”. Haha.             

Bago pala nagsimula ang kulitan naming ni pareng Bokz ay may nag-text sa aking numero lang ang nakalagay.                                     

+63917460****: Woi! Globe na ulit ako! Ü             

Siyempre nagtaka ako. Kahit kayo rin i-text ng kung sino na number lang at walang anumang pagkakakilanlan ay magtataka.                                     

Ako: Huh? Hus ds? (Pasosyal di ba? Pwede naman “Sino ‘to?”) Bokz?                                     +63917460****: Weh! Binura mo number ko noh?! Hmp!             

At medyo nais kong batukan kung sino man ang nagte-text na ‘to sa akin (dahil malakas ang hinala ko na si Bokol nga ‘to) dahil hindi pa sinabi ng diretsahan kung sino siya. Nagtampururot muna.                                    

 Ako: Weh. Si Bokz ka nga?                                    

 +63917460****: Weh weh ka jan! Bokz 2! Hmmmmp!             

Ayun! Pinahirapan mo pa kasi sarili mo e. “Bokz” lang naman ang hinihintay kong makita. Hahaha. Pero siyempre nag-alala naman ako dahil mukhang nagtampururot ang repapip ko:                                     

Ako: Binura ko na kasi akala ko di mo na gagamitin. Yung Smart na lang. Sori po!                                     

Bokz: WushOoOo! Inirase m prn ung number kow! Wuhuhuhuhu.             

Tignan mo ‘tong lalaking ‘to. Pag ako nagtampururot ewan ko lang—ni hindi na nga napakilala ako sa GF niya as promised e kasi nag-break na sila. Haay…ang bilis na talaga ngayon. Pa-instant instant—Instant noodles, instant coffee, rice burger (walang ‘instant’ kasi masaya din ang maiba), instant GF at BF, instant Ex-GF at Ex-BF.             

Kaya tuloy nangangaral si Time. Ang problema konti o wala man lang humihinto at pumiling makinig sa kanya. Tsk! Tsk! Di bale Time, andito lang ako para makinig hanggang mag-mature ka at maging Eternity na. Haha. Hindi na nga nag-reply si Bokz. Baka tuluyan nag hindi kinaya ang sama ng pakiramdam at itinulog na. Ang mga magulang ko, tulad ng iba, hindi maintindihan ang passion ko pagdating sa pakikisalamuha kay Time. Pero sabi sa akin ni Time, darating ang Panahon (kakambal niya) na magiging magulang din ako at maiintindihan ko rin sila.

Pahabol pa niya sa akin: Take your “time”.

Sabi ko: Eto na nga e.

Ipinapakita nito sa iyo ang makulimlim na hapon.

Malamig pa rin ang pakikitungo sa iyo ng hangin.

Ipinadarama nito sa iyo ang paghihirap ng puno

sapagkat ang kanyang mga dahon ay unti-unting nagpapaalam.

Panoorin mo ang pagtatanghal ng ulan.

Pakinggan mo ang pagsamo nito

na sulyapan ang kanyang pagbuhos sa iyong bakuran.

Naririnig mo ba ang malungkot niyang pag-awit

sa iyong mga pandinig?

Lumabas ka at hayaan mong ililok ng ulan ang iyong kabuuan.

Hayaan mong balutin ka ng kanyang pag-aaruga.

Nararamdaman mo ba ang paghalik ng ulan sa iyong pisngi?

Sasabayan ka niya sa iyong pagluha

at papawiin ang anumang lungkot.

Huwag kang matakot na yakapin ang ulan sa isiping hindi niya ito tutugunan.

Ngayong gabi, bagamat nasusukluban ng makapal na ulap,

ang buwan ang tanging saksi sa pakikiisa mo sa ulan

sapagkat lahat ng nilalang sa inyong paligid

ay abala sa sarili nilang paghinga.

(–Para sa aking kaibigan na si Jopi)

It was autumn, and it was cold, but I did not care. I felt numb. I looked down, staring at my pale hands.

Then there you were—standing in front of me. I looked up and braved myself to stare at your face. Oh, that beautiful face. And without any warning, you smiled at me; it was the most welcoming smile I have ever received. It was genuine.

A strong force urged me to smile back. And so I did. And again, without any warning, you sat there beside me. Silence lingered, just hearing the beating of our hearts. Right there and then, million words were said—heart to heart, soul to soul.

We both sighed. We both looked at each other, eyes smiling and dancing. Then we could not help but to release gentle laughs.

“Hi,” you started, “it’s cold, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I answered back. It was the only word I could utter.

Then you continued, “Visiting someone here? Friend? Relative? Or someone special maybe?”

I shook my head and said, “No.”

Silence again. One…tick…two…tock…three…tick…

“Well?” you said, breaking the silence. You were really trying to carry on with the conversation. I could see that you also needed someone to talk to. Though smiling, there was a hint of sadness in your eyes. I sighed.

“Are you a stranger here also like me?” I asked without looking at you. I paused for a moment and then proceeded, “You know what? This country serves its very purpose. I know no one here. Everything is unfamiliar,” I exhaled then continued, “a nowhere woman in a nowhere land. This is the perfect place to think and reflect. I want to be alone and this place is just right.” Then I stared blankly.

“Uh, sorry for intruding. I–,”

“Oh no,” I immediately said before you could complete your sentence. “It’s okay. I realized I like this better,” then I smiled at you. “About my question–”

“Ah yes! Like you, well I’m also a stranger in this country. You know, just trying to unwind and think things over.”

You were still smiling while saying this. For reasons that I could not grasp, I felt safe.

“Have you ever experienced being left by someone you truly treasure?” I asked. “That after treating them like a precious stone, they will leave you as if you are a pebble, trampled on the ground.”

You cleared your throat before speaking, “Uhm yeah. In fact, I experienced it many times. The thing is that, we can never avoid it. People come and go. It is inevitable. Only few will remain. Some need to go, and we have to let them go—to let them live their lives as we live ours. We can never possess anyone.”

We were both staring at the people passing by as you spoke these words. We were surrounded by people, but it seemed that it was just the two of us.

I saw a leaf fell. Then another one…and another one. Then I spoke, “I realized that the hard way,” my voice started to quiver, “Yes it’s true. We can never possess anyone especially the ones we love the most. Possessing them will only hurt them—or the both of you.”

A tear fell from my eye. Then another one…and another one. I tried to stop the tears from falling but I could not. Finally, you handed me your handkerchief. I reached for it. You waited for some time before speaking.

“Love must be the source of freedom,” you whispered.

Silence fell between us again. Tick…tock…tick…tock…tick…tock…

“By the way, I am Andy,” you held out your hand.

I reached for it, “April. I’m April.”

We were like that for a few seconds. Leaves were rustling; the wind embracing us and blowing our hair gently.

We connected.

Body, soul, mind, and breath.

You glanced at your watch, “Well Signora April, I think it’s time for me to go. Pleasure meeting you. Ci vediamo!” then you stood up.

“Wait! Signor Andy,” I immediately stood up.

“Yes Signora?” you asked while flashing that smile; the smile that I would never forget.

“Grazie. Ci vediamo,” were the words that I could utter.

You nodded and started to walk away. I just stood there, waiting for you to vanish into the crowd.

I gazed down, my eyes on my hands. There it was—your handkerchief.

Ci vediamo. Till we meet again.

Yes. Love must be the source of freedom. And I had experienced total freedom while talking with you, my familiar stranger. Freedom to express myself, freedom to pour out my soul without worrying what others may think, and freedom to free myself.

Without any warning, I experienced love—raw and unplanned.

People come and go.

But this time, one stayed.

You and I might not meet again, but that liberating moment will forever stay in my heart.